time after time

my grades came out this morning. i wasn't terribly disappointed but they were below my expectations. i thought last semester i would be able to do really well as my workloads were pretty light. and now i wish i could re-live that semester and start over. actually i want a refund. like when you buy a top from a shop, and if you don't wear it you can always get a refund right?! i felt like i didn't 'wear' last semester. they are practically new?!

hmm regrets. that itchy patch in the corner of my heart.

far too often, i let unimportant things invade my mind....eat me alive
far too often, i realize the unkind things i'd done can never be undone
far too often, i notice the things i desire are meaningless...absolutely meaningless
far too often, i allow words to leave my lips without contemplating the consequences
far too often, i judge people without looking at the depths of my own shallow heart
far too often, i tell God that i do not need a Shephard to guide me..that i have my own way
far too often, i fall victim to a terrible word called 'favouritism'
far too often, i sing songs not from my heart but from other peoples'
far too often, i seek others' approval and acceptance and not His
far too often, i think back on my silliness and feel my heart drop - free-falling style
far too often, i spin at the speed of sound when i forget to turn the sound off
far too often, i dive head first into the pond of 'temporary joy', not real JOY.
far too often, i let satan take over my life and laugh at me
far too often, i 'eat' more than i can handle...
far too often, i ponder 'who am i' when i should start with 'who i am not'
far too often, i am lured into joining the masquerade of the plastic people
far too often, i worry about things i cannot change and are beyond my control
far too often, i become bitter when people rub me the wrong way
far too often, i give people the wrong impression and then drown in the sea of misunderstanding
far too often, i fear that people will discover, that i am not all that i am
far too often, i expect to receive when i really should be giving..i fail to see how undeserving i am
far too often, i ask Him to live his life around mine and not mine around His
far too often, i fail to fight my easily discouraged heart
far too often, i choose to keep the lessons unlearned - i'd fall and forget to pick myself up again
far too often, i get down on my knees before the Love that changes me, and ask for forgiveness

ooook my head is a huge mess at the moment. my thoughts are jumping around everywhere. i am going to turn my mind off for a while and fill it with music!

ohh..tomorrow i'll be going to Midori's concernt at the opera house :) i am looking forward to that...